Things I Learned About Ron Jeremy

Last night, I met Ron Jeremy (in a completely non-sketchy context). I learned that he:

• has a Masters in Special Education
• has a tortoise (maybe a turtle?) that will outlive him. And any grandchildren he may have
• likes Vancouver
• plays the harmonica
• is not particularly technologically savvy
• thinks that Charlie Sheen and Mickey Rourke are the nicest men in Hollywood

Things That Scare Me

• bugs that bite
• the dark
• extreme political stances
• animals that have escaped from the zoo
• rollercoasters
• traveling alone
• being tickled
• my own lack of discipline

Twelfth Grade Physics

Who says science is useless? I learned (and still remember) the following things from my high school days:

• student teachers ought not to flirt with students. Or stick their fingers in the electricity-jumping thing.
• it is possible to fail a student teacher. Just because you are good at physics doesn’t mean you should teach.
• static electricity makes your hair stand on end.
• good teachers are memorable, even if the content of the class is forgotten. Thank you, Mr. Leischnig.
• to keep tea warmer longer, add the milk right away. Don’t wait five minutes.

Ok, only one of those is both scientific and relevant to my life today. But still… I am glad I took that class.

Manic Mondays

I feel a little crazy-anxious today. Reasons include:

• My computer hates me. It doesn’t connect to the internet, it freezes.
• I spent too much time in transit.
• I have been “working” but not “accomplishing.”
• My as-of-yet undiagnosed upper right quadrant pain & figuring out when I can fast for 10 hours and then get blood work done.
• The swollen upper-right spot at the back of my throat. (speaking of upper-right pain)
• I cannot schedule a time for a weekly meeting. It is apparently impossible for seven of us to meet for one hour. ONE HOUR.
• I’m still having trouble waking up in the morning. Can I blame the weather? It is dark before 5pm.
• I need to take my car in. Since “the snow” there is something dangling a bit too low for comfort.
• Speaking of my car, I need to find out the status on my accident from November, and whether the injury claim has been substantiated.

How to Judge a Movie

After watching both Seven Pounds and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and upon finding that I, unlike the critics, enjoyed Will Smith more than Brad Pitt, have determined the criteria by which I judge movies:

Drama:

• does the protagonist have realistic obstacles to overcome?
• can I relate in any way to the dilemmas posed by the movie?
• does the movie affect me emotionally?
• does the movie provide fodder for philosophical/moral discussion?

All:

• do I understand what the characters want for themselves?
• can I willingly suspend my disbelief?
• do I like the characters?
• do I want the same thing as the protaganist(s)?
• is the movie realistic/reasonable with language & situational portrayal?
• does anything happen (externally or internally) that would be considered a crisis?
• do I have enough facts to wrap up important loose ends?
• does watching this movie add anything to my life?
• does this movie entertain me?

Criteria for a New Cardigan

I’ve been on the lookout for a new cardigan for awhile, thus far without success. It is tricky, because a new cardigan needs to be precisely appropriate on a number of issues:

• thickness. If it is too thick, it’s a ski sweater or granny-knit. If it is too thin, it won’t add any warmth and is therefore pointless.
• length. I don’t want a shrug, because I already have one. I don’t want a knee-length sweater either. There is one in my closet. I want something that falls precisely to the hip.
• buttons. Too big, too small, too spread out or too close together and you get button bumps, pulls and ripples. Then you can’t button the sweater up when you want. Oh, and it has to be buttons, because a zipper is far too casual.
• detailing. A little detailing makes it pretty – some fancy stitches or beading at the neckline. But too much detailing turns you into a glitzy figure-skater, which is not the look I’m going for.
• shape. There are so many cuts these days. Finding one that fits with small shoulders and slightly wider hips is not easy. Most potential cardigans I have tried on either pull at the hips or bag in the shoulders.
• colour. Neutral tones are the most flexible in a wardrobe, but I don’t want something too bland. A muted gray or taupe is probably my best bet.
• fabric. Shedding is frustrating. So is pilling. But the stretching of polyester/acrylic is an ugly thing to behold. Do I go synthetic or not? I can’t decide.